Somehow i don’t feel okay staying in . . .
but I also feel empty and lost when I go out. So i spent several hours just walking in the rain.
2/11/2024
the lie is that people assume that you miss someone
that their absence haunts you or hurts
the Truth that people don’t understand
is that you’ve lost the ability to be happy,
that you’ve lost the very parts of yourself that let you be,
that gave you the ability to smile, to be okay,
to be capable of being happy
Without that person, you’re not just incomplete,
you are no longer you.
Disjointed
empty
broken
missing
torn
shattered
just pieces that come together to look like you,
the shape of you
but when i catch a glimpse of myself,
i can’t recognize who that is.
4/11/2024
there is a notion we should be self contained, able to be independently happy.
does this idea come from the illusion and deceit of Ego?
A worker ant, a bird who mates for life, a fish who lives in a school, a wolf within its pack,
can they survive disconnected and alone?
Yes. They can.
but survival is not happiness, it is not fulfillment,
it is not meaning.
the fallacy is that we should be able to mend,
to stitch our life back together again, just connect the broken torn parts,
and be capable of the same again.
to be yourself, to be okay,
to live life in a meaningful way again.
what a joke.
the pieces don’t fit together.
the holes are too large to close
a million pieces falling through your hands,
and even more already lost to the wind
im giving up on all expectations, on all hope i that delusion.
being broken is hard enough.
