there is a level of punishment you feel you have to mete out
both to others and yourself
you push people far enough away that you cannot feel anymore
and you dig yourself deep enough into your own misery
that the light is too far away to see
and then, you wrap yourself in loneliness and self pity
and you feel for once that finally, you’ve achieved something
that this state of being forgotten is the one thing you deserve
and you pretend, for as long as you can
that this is the truth and that you won’t come to regret all of this
because if you truly stop to think about what you’re doing
you know how pathetic and vain it all is…