These past few months have been a constant struggle, ups and downs that leave me tired, confused, hurt, angry and frustrated. Sometimes when I am walking, I stop and write. Here are some of the things I’ve written.
when the world became too cold to touch
when the heaviness forced you down
forced you to sit and watch
when you used to run and laugh
they tried to keep taking from you
piece by piece, moment by moment
unknown joys, unseen dreams
a life unlived
but the more they took, the harder it became
the brighter you shined
Sunlight found its way to your smile
in your own little ‘paradise’
scents you longed for, back in Italy,
slowly found a way to touch your hands
and all the weight of the world, never rested
on your shoulders for more than a few hours
wonder, laughter, love
washing them away
even life was unable to darken the Light within you
stories and narratives
are all i have
to keep me company
and they aren’t enough
memories of the past
as empty as this summer breeze
and autumn is coming…
one stone,
for every sin
my life, i pray
the ocean
washes them away
i used to walk these bridges,
lights impossibly clear
piercing through the shadows and doubts
i was on my way to you
Time doesn’t pass when you enter a bridge
you fall between worlds
looking down, you see life drifting by
every moment you missed, untouched, unclaimed
now i stop on these bridges
lost and alone
some part of me, trapped forever, looking down
searching for our life together, drifting by …
every bridge i cross,
it gets harder to move on
each time i leave a part of me there
waiting for You.
as the moon haunts me,
i leave more empty, faded, ephemeral
less human …
trapped between these worlds
In the morning light
alone, in this cage,
one stop before the end
your vacant eyes scan ahead of you
i see how alone you are right now
that void surrounding you,
so similar to my own
silently we drown on our own islands
how many broken dreams tuck you in at night?
but i a full of shit, and have no spine
so i sit here, alone
feeling sorry for myself
and close my cage door
alone.
in the morning light …
the path you took, is closed to me
the gate is locked, you took the key
i wait behind, amongst our things
which slowly fade, and lose their ring
the lights gone out, i’m numb and cold
the silence gives, no hope to hold
these words all fail, just empty shells
your voice and smile, a tale i tell
to remind me of you …
none of them taught me to heal,
none of them taught me to understand …
something no one can teach you
but Bukowski showed me its okay
to be so broken, to be so forgotten
to be so alone as the walls slowly crush in on you …
sleeping on the train
hundreds drift unaware, blind
to the setting sun …
to the falling sun …
to the dying sun …
i don’t mind how fast
the world moves
around me
tears flow as they need
matching the beauty
and sadness within me …