Anyone who has kept up with me in the past few months knows there have been some big changes in my life.
In the simplest of terms, I met the love of my life and I have never been happier.
Along with this incredible change in my mood, outlook on life and mental well being has been a new challenge. Aya has introduced me to outdoor rock climbing and it has been a wonderful, terrifying and totally addictive new passion.
Being outdoors and exploring nature has given my life some much needed balance. Not only am I exploring parts of Japan I would never have dreamed of visiting, I am meeting new friends, being welcomed into an amazing community of climbers, and finding myself in awe of mother nature on a constant weekly basis.
It really and truly is awe inspiring.
I have been climbing outdoors on 5 or 6 occasions now and the feeling is incredibly consistent; a mixture of pure joy and excitement, especially leading up to the trip, some hesitation and fear based on my own personal expectations, goals and desires, and a strange self hatred for putting myself into such terrifying and stressful situations. Climbing on real rock outdoors is easily several magnitudes of fear greater than climbing indoors.
Your nerves are really put to the test as holds are far more tenuous, harder to find, and the idea of slamming into the rock wall is truly frightening. You find yourself out of breath, panting, legs shaking and your forearms fully pumped. What would normally be a perfectly reasonable hand hold in the gym is now the most fear inducing death trap just waiting for you to slip off of. Regulating fear, controlling your breathing and maintaining focus are constant struggles.
Of course, I am being absolute and completely safe. We take every precaution, double check every part of the climb and safety is our biggest priority. But still, the fear that makes your legs and feet quake, the sweat that forms on your palms, and the self doubt that creeps in cannot be denied. I am hoping it will lessen over time, but so far all I’ve learned is that the better you get, the more you want to push the envelope, and the scarier the routes you want to try.
In typical fashion as well, as soon as you’re down, the wall seems far less intimidating, the holds seem obvious and you know, somehow, that if you had just tried harder, or kept your nerve, you would have held on or made the next move without falling. It is a wonderful addictive rush that really is hard to explain. I know I am a bit of an adrenaline junkie, but I am still pretty tame. I would love for more of my friends and family to experience and try climbing outdoors. It really is something amazing and I am so grateful to Aya for introducing me to it. She really does inspire me with how brave, determined and strong she is. I’m constantly chasing to catch up to her one day and I cannot wait for more climbing adventures together. These pictures are also courtesy of her, which I am really grateful for because she is normally the one belaying me and we have so few pictures of each other climbing. I can’t wait to be outside again enjoying nature and to slowly get better.
Thank you Aya for all your love and support and for introducing me to one of your passions <3 I can’t wait for our next adventures together ~