I have not been as diligent making time to write and reflect in a deeper way here. Unfortunately most of my posts have become short, quick thoughts on life posted on Instagram. In some ways they are nice though, more real and natural. I thought I would collect some of the more recent one’s here.
On the edge of darkness.
Life is always a juxtaposition of living and dying, and autumn, for all its beauty, is just one more rotation in the cycle of impermanence.
The beauty of the ginkgo in Aoyama shines through against the incredible clear blue autumn skies.
In many ways, these posts are the same, sharp contrast that makes life seem more vibrant, more happier.
I am trying to collect happy moments to represent the best parts of life, even if so much of it is dark, difficult and heavy.
Enjoy the sun while it is here, and chase its beauty for as long as I can. 💛☀️❤️
This was the very first cherry blossom tree we saw together. I still remember that perfect clear blue sky day when I came to visit Aya at her home 💛
We couldn't believe how beautiful the small tree was, filled with blossoms in full bloom, while all the other trees were still only budding.
This is our third time seeing the tree blossom and bloom together ❤️ three years of love, happiness, and contentment.
I'm so grateful we can see this tree again, sit under its blossoms, and feel the warmth of the sun.
Life is so heavy right now. Sometimes it's unbelievably hard just to hang on. Overwhelmed, lost and helpless. I'm holding onto this small moment, this tiny joy, knowing that life changes just as quickly as these cherry blossoms, no matter how desperately we want them to last forever.
Life through the veil
We think of our lives as clear, linear stories that move from day to day, progressing towards happiness. Our narratives are guided by our whims and desires, a hidden assumption that we are the protagonists of a worthwhile story, a life that deserves fair play and justice for ourselves.
When we lose those illusions and pierce through the veil, life becomes harshly monochromatic. The colors we so richly paint ourselves with; virtues, assumptions, character, and entitlements, all fade into shades of gray. We are left wondering how we could have been so deluded?
It i's in that state of survival, trying to carry and manage the weight that life puts on us, that we finally can see some of the beauty life really offers. None of it is deserved. None of it is guaranteed. One moment to the next, you can have everything and then have it violently wrenched away, without any cause or reason. That's life. So when you find the smallest moment of joy, when the pain and suffering fades into the background tor even a minute, take hold of that moment for as long as you can and be grateful you got to see and experience something greater than yourself, before it slips away.
Nothing is forever. We're just haunted to expect things to last.
We have a terrible way of separating life and death into two opposing forces. Opposite ends of a spectrum that either instills wonder and joy, or fear and terror. How twisted and absent of true understanding our ideas on life and death have become.
We come into this world from the death and decay of other life, we exist and continue through time, bringing into being new ideas, relationships and artifacts from our imagination. We also continue through time losing things, releasing relationships, forgetting memories and changing in every moment. We are part of a cycle.
We are not above other life, nor separate or distinct from unliving or dead objects. We share the very same atoms, space and time with them. We are all interconnected and interlinked.
Spring and the blooming flowers are a beautiful testament to this cycle that nature moves through without judgment of good or evil. New life springs forth just as old life let's go and returns to the cycle.
Our time is so short, but this is not some battle to be won, not a fight against death and decay. The more I meditate, the more I read, the more I experience, I see myself in both states simultaneously. In each moment, becoming into existence and at the very same time, I am disappearing and dying. Breathing in, alive, breathing out, dying. Coming into this world and leaving it, these are the two sides of reality that we should accept as one.