Silence is a Sin / June 2, 2020 by Peter Panacci

I don’t have anything truly meaningful or insightful to add on the continued and renewed discussion on fighting against racism. I think everyone else is saying what needs to be said better than me. If you look at the events which have been going on for years and years all throughout the United States and Canada, and in other countries, you shouldn’t need someone to describe why racism is wrong. There is a vein of thought now though that saying nothing means you are a racism denier, or worse, a racism supporter. I am not. I feel forced into chiming in and adding my opinion or views, as useless and personal as they may be.

I don’t think I should have any platform to speak on this issue. I’m not qualified.

The one thing I can offer is my experiences learning about Systemic Racism in North America. The focus now is on the issues facing people of colour in the United States and Canada. But systemic racism happens all over the world to any ethnic group that is targeted and marginalized by the majority. I see it in South East Asia all the time. It is abhorrent and disgusting. But with the events happening now, and the amount of focus on the US, I thought I should share some of the sources of information that have helped me understand systemic racism better.

I hear a lot about how to be an “ally”. How to behave, think or act. I think the best thing anyone can do is to educate themselves. I’m not here to tell you to feel guilty, or not to. I’m not trying to signal to a certain cause. But if you truly want to learn more about the realities facing the Black community in North America, these are good places to start. Take the time, listen, be open to understanding what Black youth and people of colour face. I never experienced this kind of racism. I have felt discriminated against for being mixed, both by whites and by asians. But let me be clear, I never felt like it threatened my life or altered my ability to succeed. I never felt that kind of oppression or fear, but I believe some of my friends growing up did. It makes me angry, sad and furious. I hope sharing these links and topics might help people learn something and help bring more understanding.

This conversation now is about the experience of Blacks in North America, but there are other conversations that need to happen as well. For our Indigenous and First Nations Communities, for Jews, Arabs, Sikhs, and many other visible and invisible minority groups. But those are discussions we could, and should have, seperately.

When They See Us

The real life survivors of the Central Park 5.

When They See Us is a recent True Story, 4 part Netflix series that shows in brutal detail and unflinching reality the miscarriage of justice that was the detainment, charging and trial of the Central Park 5 in 1989 over the rape of a white woman jogging in Central Park.

This show will make you uncomfortable, it will make you extremely sad, angry, furious and also feel hopelessly futile, as the reality of this kind of racism still continuing today, and for the past 40-50 years, sinks in. You will also be shocked to learn that the people involved with such a corruption of justice, the racists who helped to railroad and convict these young boys, were still working and practicing law up until the documentary was released! You should watch, and you should feel uncomfortable, and you should feel enraged.

The Wire (HBO tv series)

The Wire is often quoted as one of the greatest tv shows ever produced. A lot of people don’t really understand why and fail to realize that its distinction as something truly powerful and incredible is not its entertainment value, but rather its social commentary and honesty about the realities of living in the projects in West Baltimore. The show centers on gang activities, drugs, and other organized crime. It deals with ethnic issues, issues of sexism, racism, bigotry, exploitation and the dangers of power. Most importantly, it shows real characters, struggling with real life situations, albeit in a fictional representation, but one that mirrors the real world so accurately its haunting.

Here is a description of the background of some of the shows creators, giving you some perspective on the veracity and credibility of the show when it portrays social and current issues:

The writers strove to create a realistic vision of an American city based on their own experiences. Simon, originally a reporter for The Baltimore Sun, spent a year researching a Homicide Police Department for his book Homicide: A Year on the Killing Streets, where he met Burns. Burns served in the Baltimore Police Department for 20 years and later became a teacher in an inner-city school. The two of them spent a year researching the drug culture and poverty in Baltimore for their book The Corner: A Year in the Life of an Inner-City Neighborhood. Their combined experiences were used in many storylines of The Wire.

It’s a long show and does require active listening and attention to appreciate, so I understand its not everyone’s cup of tea. But if you want a real lesson on race relations in places like Baltimore, watch season 4, where they directly cover the nature of schools in these under privileged, at risk communities, and how broken and corrupt and heart breaking the American school system is. It’s not simply a matter of racist teachers or schools, its a matter of even the people trying to overcome those barriers, the ones trying to help and reach out to youths full of potential, being shut down, broken and worn down by the entire systems inherent disease and rot. Watch the entire season, there are moments to celebrate, moments to laugh at, but also a lot of moments to realize that a fictional show about crime ridden America is not really a fiction at all. Its a mirror that most of us can’t stand to look into.

In my undergraduate studies at the University of Toronto, I took a course on Canadian Black History. It was an eye opening course led by an incredibly passionate and inspiring professor and covered some very very difficult and controversial topics. It tore away the veneer of Canadian politeness and “goodness” and shone a very harsh, revealing light on the systemic racism that most of us ignore. I grew up feeling relatively non-racist. I went to an “inner city” school, with a vastly diverse student population. I had as many friends of colour or from visible minorities as I did white friends. Actually, probably a lot more friends from visible ethnic minorities. I never really saw them in a different light, we all interacted from our own cultural backgrounds and racism never really played into our school life. But I also saw some of the areas in Brampton and Bramalea where my friends lived. Crime, vandalism and drugs were definitely more problematic. But these weren’t “black” problems, these were problems of poverty and hardship. I had white friends, Hispanic friends, Vietnamese friends, and Black friends, all mixed up in gangs or violence or drugs. It was only later that I truly learned some of the racist policies in Canada that led and fostered these segments of society which were ignored, neglected or victimized.

One book I would recommend, with a very controversial title, that I read in university for my class is “Niggers, This is Canada.” It is a harsh, biting and condemning first hand look at life in Toronto which most of us never suspected. What’s even more shocking is that his experiences are not far off memories from a different age, but recent (1980’s and 1990’s) events which still carry the heavy shame of racism. It is uncomfortable to read, but it forces you to see truths we often leave hidden away where it is comfortable.

Podcasts

People often only think of racism as overt comments or actions which we experience and see. Obviously this is only a small subsection of racism in North America. I think we are all aware that silent and hidden racism exists all around us, from the Korean owner of an embroidery store asking me to watch every black youth who walked in, nudging me and implying they were not to be trusted (I did catch a Korean kid trying to steal a hat, but never had any issue with anyone else), to subtle remarks which point out supposedly understood “truths” about certain people. However real systemic racism exists in Government policies, laws, economic rules, and more insidiously, through housing and zoning laws and systems within education that actively target Black people and their communities. These podcasts deal with those very real, and very present forms of Systemic Racism.

For most of these podcasts, click on the title for a link to the online version.

Shots Fired: Radio Lab

An episode made in the aftermath of Ferguson and other incidents of police injustice against Black victims, it really highlights the problems in the Police Force and what can be done to actually help stop racist police policies.

Description: “A couple years ago, Ben Montgomery, reporter at the Tampa Bay Times, started emailing every police station in Florida.

He was asking for any documents created - from 2009 to 2014 - when an officer discharged his weapon in the line of duty. He ended up with a six foot tall stack of reports, pictures, and press clippings cataloging the death or injury of 828 people by Florida police.

Jad and Robert talk to Ben about what he found, crunch some numbers, and then our reporter Matt Kielty takes a couple files off Ben's desk and brings us the stories inside them - from a network of grief to a Daytona police chief.

And next week, we bring you another, very different story of a police encounter gone wrong.”

House Rules: This American Life

This American Life looks at the very real systemic racism which is continued to be supported and propagated by housing acts and the legal code in the United States.

Description: “Where you live is important. It can dictate quality of schools and hospitals, as well as things like cancer rates, unemployment, or whether the city repairs roads in your neighborhood. On this week's show, stories about destiny by address.”

The Miseducation of Larry P: Radiolab

A sobering look at how even initial rules and laws designed to protect ethnic minorities, like Black Americans, can be perverted and used to victimize them.

Description: “Are some ideas so dangerous we shouldn’t even talk about them? That question brought Radiolab’s senior editor, Pat Walters, to a subject that at first he thought was long gone: the measuring of human intelligence with IQ tests. Turns out, the tests are all around us. In the workplace. The criminal justice system. Even the NFL. And they’re massive in schools. More than a million US children are IQ tested every year.

We begin Radiolab Presents: “G” with a sentence that stopped us all in our tracks: In the state of California, it is off-limits to administer an IQ test to a child if he or she is Black. That’s because of a little-known case called Larry P v Riles that in the 1970s … put the IQ test itself on trial. With the help of reporter Lee Romney, we investigate how that lawsuit came to be, where IQ tests came from, and what happened to one little boy who got caught in the crossfire.”

Revisionist History:

Malcolm Gladwell has several episodes of Revisionist History which deal with elements of American racial history and more contemporary issues of systemic racism that still plague the United States. I highly recommend these podcasts as they touch on the long term effects of past decisions and laws, and also illustrate the harsh realities facing Black American youth and the structures which bar their potential for success.

Carlos Doesn’t Remember:

Description: “Carlos is a brilliant student from South Los Angeles. He attends an exclusive private school on an academic scholarship. He is the kind of person the American meritocracy is supposed to reward. But in the hidden details of his life lies a cautionary tale about how hard it is to rise from the bottom to the top—and why the American school system, despite its best efforts, continues to leave an extraordinary amount of talent on the table.”

This episode really highlights the systemic issues and imbalance in North America, even to those youth lucky enough to be given scholarships and support. The realities of coming from a disadvantaged social class and ethnic minority can’t be ignored. As a teacher, this episode scares me and really makes me wish we could somehow fix this broken system.

Educate yourself on some of the legal precedents and history of racial law in the United States

The Foot Soldier of Burmingham

Description: “Birmingham, 1963. The image of a police dog viciously attacking a young black protester shocks the nation. The picture, taken in the midst of one of Martin Luther King Jr.’s most famous marches, might be the most iconic photograph of the civil rights movement. But few have ever bothered to ask the people in the famous photograph what they think happened that day. It’s more complicated than it looks.”

State V Johnson

Description: “The first of a two-part story about the lawyers who helped crack the colorlines of the Jim Crow South. A man rapes a woman. Vernon Jordan and his mentor come to the man’s defense--and in the process learn a difficult lesson about justice.”

Mr. Hollowell Didn’t Like That

Description: “A man named Willie Nash is arrested for the murder of a white man in 1954, in Augusta Georgia. Witnesses place him at the scene. The victim picks him out of the lineup. He confesses. He is headed for the electric chair. Until his young black attorney, Donald L. Hollowell, mounts a defense that rivets black spectators and gives them hope.”

Daryl Davis is an incredible human who has single handedly been converting HUNDREDS of Klans members and educating them on the sheer idiocy and stupidity of their racist views. How does he do it? By being intelligent, being an active listener, and being fearless. I highly recommend listening to this man’s incredible perspective on life, how he openly embraces people who might hate and wish him harm, and how he wins them over through the sheer beauty of loving everyone as your brother and being a good human.

Dr. Cornel West is an incredibly inspiring, hauntingly intelligent philosophy professor and author who beautifully weaves the issues, struggles and ethos of so many social issues, especially those facing Black Americans through all forms of philosophy, history and literature. Listen to this man to understand the depth and wisdom leading some of the greatest thinkers commenting and writing about racial issues in America. He will inspire you, he will humble you, and he will open your eyes to how everyone is affected by matters of race and how we all have a part to play in this human drama.

Systemic Racism in Baltimore: Michael Woods was a member of the Baltimore Police Department and left the force for various reasons, including the incredible systemic racism that he saw in the city’s largest “gang”, the Baltimore Police Department. He gives first hand accounts of going on raids, strategizing to target black communities, and evidence of the legal precedent in the city to limit upward mobility of blacks, make it illegal for them to own property in desired areas, and the vicious cycle of gangs and drugs most black youth in the city are faced with.

OJ Simpson: Made in America

5 Part Documentary Series by ESPN

While this obviously centers around OJ Simpson and the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ryan Lyle Goldman, it also goes into great depth and detail revealing the cultural nature and volatility of race relations in the United States leading from the 70’s, into the 80’s and 90’s. You really get a sense for the violent and despicable treatment of Black Americans in the US, especially by the Police. I had no idea of a lot of the trends and norms and watching this helped me put current events into context and understand the continue legacy of oppression and victimization.

Sharing with your Community / May 29, 2020 by Peter Panacci

Most of my friends will have noticed that quite a few times in a month, I will bring up a topic, podcast, or book and over zealously try to share it with anyone who will listen. I’m sure it’s quite annoying and obnoxious sometimes, but I hope everyone realizes it comes from a desire to share something unique or a new perspective and that I think will benefit those close to me. There is also probably some element of miss placed ego on my part, as if me sharing information somehow made me more intelligent or admirable. I know it doesn’t, and I apologize for any selfish drives I may have.

But this really is something important to me. Recently Kevin Hart echoed this sentiment while talking to Joe Rogan. He said it’s all about Information, its about sharing information. The more aware we are, the more informed and curious and mentally diverse, the better lives we can lead. I spend copious amounts of time, since I’m basically a vagrant and the least successful person I know, searching for new topics and ideas to explore. Over the past 6 or 7 years this has broadened my interests almost exponentially. I want to share some of those ideas and topics with those I think it will benefit most. Or even more important and exciting, is sharing it with my friends who will challenge and question the information.

I want to have more stimulating debates and conversations. I want to be pushed mentally to revise my ideas, see new perspectives, and discover new truths, especially about our shared beliefs and ideals, and what we take for granted.

I hope to start journaling more about this, as I come across new information, and share it in small digestible ways for friends to engage with. I hope it will lead to more conversations, more sharing of ideas, more debates, occasional yelling, but overall, a closer community of friends who love to expand their understanding.

With that goal in mind, I will try to keep a record of my thoughts and interests, and share it once a week (we’ll see how that goes), here. I will try to be brief, just offering enough information to entice friends to listen/read for themselves, and most importantly, follow up with those who want to, to have some conversation after.

I want to thank Seth for inspiring me on this, with his initiative to get a group of like minded but diverse friends together once a month to share ideas and just talk. It was a great experience, even if I only went once, but that kind of interaction should be supported and tried more often. So this is my small way of wanting to create something similar.

I’m writing this to hold myself accountable, and to push myself to make the time to write and reflect. We’ll see how it goes.

The People Like Us: Hidden Brain

To begin, here is an episode of Hidden Brain which focuses’ on an incredibly controversial topic, made all the more relevant by the Covid 19 Epidemic. It centers on the topic of racism, and how some ways of addressing it raise other moral dilemma’s. The podcast brings up the uncomfortable reality that often minority groups are better served by members of their own group rather than others. African American students perform better when taught by an African American teacher. Women have the same result in University math courses taught by female professors. With this information, should we push or even force more minority groups or genders to be taught or influenced by their own groups to help them? I found this topic incredibly revealing as I am a North American teacher, teaching in South East Asia. Does my own upbringing, despite being ethnically diverse, make me a less viable teacher to my Thai students? Are there boundaries, social norms, cultural elements that I can just not grasp and somehow impede their learning? It’s a strange bizarre gray area, but its a very interesting topic to think about.

Give it a listen, and let me know your opinions or thoughts. I really want to talk about it. Whether we agree or disagree.

Hocus Pocus / May 12, 2020 by Peter Panacci

There is growing gulf and dichotomy in people I know and friends on the subject of healing, spirituality and health. On one side are friends who are more ‘new age’, following wellness protocols, tarot cards, zodiac signs and using crystals for healing. On the other, my cold hard rationalist friends. For me, I’m somewhere in the middle but very much opposed to both extremes. Let me be clear, I think crystals and zodiac signs are complete fantasy. I also think people who look at science as the be all and end all are divorcing healthy rational thought and replacing it with dogmatic religion of science. This podcast sheds some light on the topic and is a great way of expanding our view on a topic which is so often polarizing.

NPR Hidden Brain

Hidden Brain looks at several cases where placebo is much more than a delusion or “unintended benefit” as it is often seen today. To most people, the placebo effect is almost a derogatory term for something which isn’t real. Actually the placebo effect is INCREDIBLY REAL and valuable and sometimes even works better than real medicine and even real invasive surgeries. Isn’t that amazing?

It also gives us perspective in why so many people jump onto new age healing practices and other mumbo jumbo. No they don’t actually work. But you believing in something, ANYTHING, does produce real measurable effects! The same can be said for chiropractors and other forms of nonsense esoteric healing. They aren’t doing anything beyond perhaps a mild massage, but really, your body and brain are undergoing real changes because of the power of your mind.

I highly recommend this podcast and invite my friends to discuss it with me. It might change your mind if you believe in things like healing crystals, and it also might tempt some of my staunch rationalist friends to reconsider “pseudo-science” and quack medicine and believe in more traditional mumbo jumbo healing.

Reflections on Covid-19 / May 2, 2020 by Peter Panacci

I want to share some of the thoughts and ideas I’ve had on Covid-19.

To begin, while it may seem like a conspiracy theory that Covid-19 might have been a bio-weapon or released from a lab in China, I am revising my thoughts on the issue and starting to lean more towards that reality being the most logical one. A year or two ago I listened to an incredible series by Josh Clark, called The End of the World with Josh Clark, in which he examines and explores different ideas for how humans might one day cease to exist. Episode 6 on Biotechnology stuck out in my mind then by how frightening it was, and because history was littered with countless examples of diseases and viruses spreading and almost wiping out humanity. This was recorded years ago however Josh Clark reminds us of the countless examples of viruses being studied in laboratories and escaping into the general population and how several times our reality now almost came into existence. He literally names the corona virus family as the deadliest threat to our long term survival and explains how labs in the United States, Russia, Canada and China have modified H1N1 and H1N5 to make already existing avian flu’s and viruses MORE deadly and contagious. I highly highly highly recommend you listen to the episode, it is eye opening, terrifying and incredibly informative. This episode will give everyone an incredible refresher into the world of biotechnology and most importantly, what the global and scientific community have been doing for the past 50 years, which has been basically playing Russian roulette with the health and well being of the globe.

Natural viruses and bacteria can be deadly enough; the 1918 Spanish Flu killed 50 million people in four months. But risky new research, carried out in an unknown number of labs around the world, are creating even more dangerous humanmade pathogens. (Original score by Point Lobo.)

My Experience in Bangkok

I’ve had a few friends and family ask how life has been here on the other side of the globe. It’s an interesting question considering everything going on and in reality, I don’t even know how different or similar it is to life back in Canada or other countries. To some of my friends, Asia, being the original epicenter and source of the Covid-19 outbreak, was seen as an incredibly dangerous and scary place to be. Early on in January, people feared for my safety and health. However since the outbreak and global pandemic, things in Asia and Thailand specifically haven’t been that strange. For a long time we had public warnings and information about the dangers of Covid-19, but very little real life changes.

All through January and February, our school was fully functioning and students and staff were simply asked to wear masks at all times. I know face masks are a big source of controversy back in North America and Europe, but in Asia they really are common place. We would routinely see staff or students wearing a face mask anytime they had a cold or were feeling ill, and many people wear face masks to deal with the horrendous pollution in larger cities. I had been wearing a face mask on all my commutes since November last year. So in many ways, life was fairly normal.

While the virus was spreading to South Korea, Singapore and Japan, Thailand seemed to somehow remain largely untouched. Even until our vacation season in March, we were allowed to travel within the country without any restrictions or fears. It was only international travel to certain countries which forced you to quarantine afterwards.

Once we did return on March 16th, that’s when life here started to change. The infection rates here were slowly rising and the government was being forced to take the matter more seriously. Strong state recommendations started to take effect with people being urged to stay at home, social distance and not go to bars or restaurants. My school kept insisting we attend work everyday if we were able, and I was still at the office full time, despite there being no students or classes, until the end of March. Eventually the government forced the closure of restaurants, bars, and even the sale of alcohol. There was one larger source of outbreak, a boxing event, which seemed to force the issue into the media and the public eye.

April is also an incredibly important time in Thailand as it is their largest holiday, Songkran. Traditionally a time to return home and celebrate for a week long holiday, the government was incredibly worried about this raising infection rates and then instituted strict travel bans, alcohol bans and also a 10 pm to 4 am curfew country wide. Provinces became locked down and traveling became impossible. That’s where things stand as of today, although the bans on domestic travel, alcohol, and restaurants and shopping malls being closed is lifting this Sunday, March 3rd.

So while the rest of the world has been on full lock down for weeks and seeing serious disruptions to normal life, Thailand has had relatively lax measures in place and life hasn’t changed that much.

To be honest, the open air markets and local stores and shops really didn’t close at all. A 5 minute walk from my house last Tuesday, April 28th, shows that the local vendors were all open, markets were busy, and people don’t really practice social distancing. At my school, the cafeteria sees tables of 6-8 teachers all eating shoulder to shoulder, and also working together, sometimes 15 to 20 teachers, in one office or room. With the growing information on how effectively Covid-19 can spread, its clear that most of Thailand isn’t taking the spread very seriously.

If you follow some of the online websites which track the global spread of Covid-19, (https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/) you’ll see that Thailand has been reporting double and single digit rises of new infections for quite some time. It sounds, for the intents and purposes, like the Thai government and healthcare system has been incredibly effective and practically shut down all cases of Covid-19. While it’s only my personal opinion, I am incredibly skeptical and doubtful of these claims and numbers. The Thai government has been publicly stating that they are limited their testing to a “strategic testing” approach. This sounds like they are trying to make the best use of their resources, but in reality sounds more like a ploy to keep numbers drastically low. I know people who have shown systems and gone to hospitals and private clinics and asked to be tested. They have been denied access to a test, and told to simply go home and self quarantine. This means they don’t have to report potential new cases, and if the person is infected, hopefully the quarantine will stop the transmission.

This sounds like the kind of strategy you use when you have work your’e trying to avoid, and you simply close your eyes or hide it, and hope it goes away. People working in the aviation industry, who have been on flights with CONFIRMED cases of Covid-19, have been told by their employers NOT to get tested and to simply stay at home. I can only assume the incredible cost and brand damage of having to inform customers they may have been exposed and infected is driving these kinds of policies. All of this is quite consistent with a government which has been repeatedly accused of hiding information and lying.

A lot of people do not know that Thailand had a military coup in 2014 and has since only had 1 election, where the military backed party “won” after months of delaying ballot counting and widespread accusations of cheating, corruption and election tampering. I have heard local Thai’s describe the relationship between public information in Thailand and the government like a frog stuck inside a coconut shell. The frog is the general population and media sources, and the coconut shell is the corruption and military control which blocks out the outside and real world.

So do I believe the official numbers being reported in Thailand? Not at all. Every single country which has increased testing has shown a dramatic rise in the infection rates of the general population. It seems that only 1 other country is able to boast of the “amazing” results being reported here in Thailand, and that is China. If you believe China’s official numbers, then maybe you can believe Thailands. However news being reported on China, and critiques from prominent members of its community like Ai Weiwei casts serious doubts about how healthy China really is in the face of this epidemic and how it is reporting its true effects. Shocking stories of funerals and cremations being censored and denied by government officials, or videos of apartment complexes being welded shut to force quarantine in China do not boost my confidence.

A country like Thailand, which relies on tourism and travel, and had the first reported case outside of China, should be one of the most infected countries. Especially when compared with countries with better health care and tighter social controls, like Singapore and Japan.

General thoughts on Covid-19

While I’m incredibly skeptical about what is going on here in Thailand, I am generally optimistic about the overall outcomes and projected future for the world dealing with Covid-19. In a kind of coincidence, I had been intrigued and curious about the Spanish Flu outbreaks following WW1 for quite a few years now and the reality of that situation and what the world survived through gives me a lot of hope. If you are unfamiliar with the Spanish Flu and how devastating it was, infecting roughly 25% of the worlds population and instigating almost 2 years of continual quarantines in the early 20th century, I highly recommend you research it a little. It will blow your mind and show how resilient humans and societies can be.

I am quite skeptical though on the response of the WHO and I’m fascinated by the evolving story and timeline of information and misinformation. It seems clear now that a lot of governments and international organizations lied, mislead people and downplayed information purposefully and that the spread of this virus could have been handled much better. The political ties and influence is also staggering, and videos such as this, showing the clear influence and dominance by China of the WHO is quite alarming.

If you are unaware of why this is so alarming, simply ask any of your friends from Taiwan, or even China, and they will explain how politically charged this issue is and how damning it looks when an official from the WHO refuses to acknowledge Taiwan as a country.

Furthermore when some of the podcasters and public intellectuals I follow, like Eric Weinstein, start to worry and reflect on the corruption of the WHO it seems like we have real cause for concern. However there is some silver lining and I would like to leave on a positive note. As Eric Weinstein pointed out on one of his more recent podcasts, there is a real cause for concern. Covid-19 may have provided the engine and impetus to end so many problems plaguing our morally bankrupt and deficient society. Things like the Me Too movement, our obsession with travel and pollution, general lack of dealing with global level issues and problems (like climate change), are all being forced on us now whether we like it or not. Universities and public education have been forced to acknowledge that the institutional system is broken and can’t sustain itself and that online learning at a fraction of the cost is a viable option. People are learning to occupy their time with more meaningful pursuits because their rat race lifestyle has become obsolete. Forced quarantine and time with your loved ones might end up with real relationships being formed and people communicating in meaningful ways again.

There is a lot of good that can come from this crisis and the world might wake up. Being able to eat out or visit the shopping mall reality isn’t a priority nor should we feel cheated or victimized if we can’t have that, especially when hundreds of millions of people will be faced with starvation and famine because of this crisis. Hopefully the world actually pulls together and does something meaningful in the aftermath of Covid-19. What would be the most disastrous result and the saddest outcome for me is if the world really did return to “normal” after this pandemic. Because normal wasn’t working and normal isn’t good.

Railay Beach / April 28, 2020 by Peter Panacci

A short boat ride from Ao Nang is the secluded and picturesque Railay Beach. I didn’t know it could only be accessed by boat and felt rather bad after recommending to Ryan and Alicia that they rent a motorbike so we could ride there :p But we got there nonetheless, around mid-day, and had a magical, incredible experience.

One of the most stunning aspects of Railay beach is the cliffs that surround it. A rock climbers dream, we saw countless climbers hiking around with coils of rope and harnesses, all eager to head out to the routes. I would absolutely love to head back and try some of the lead climbing here, although it is quite hard to tear yourself away from the main beach and how gorgeous the small bay is.

There is one main road which is trailed on both sides by bars, restaurants and souvenir stores as you walk away from the beach. Head back far enough and you’ll pass Rhasta bars advertising trips to the moon and all sorts of experiences. We stopped in at the very last one to play some jenga and enjoy a herbal mango smoothie. It was the perfect way to spend the afternoon, the luscious jungle just outside the bar provided us with monkeys eagerly jumping from tree to tree and some even crashing through the walkway. The blue skies, intense sun, and crystal clear waters called us back to the ocean and we spent the rest of the afternoon before our boat pick up just drifting in the waters, laughing and marveling at how amazing life here was.

These final sunset pictures are back at Ao Nang where we caught another stunning sunset. While the light faded away the memories from the day stayed imprinted on all of us, small tokens of friendship, love and sheer happiness. A truly magical and wonderful place.

Ao Nang, Krabi, Thailand / March 16, 2020 by Peter Panacci

This was my first trip to a beach in Thailand and I was super excited for it. We arrived in Krabi and headed off to Ao Nang, one of the central beach areas close to Railay beach and many of the most famous islands in Thailand. It was quite a bit touristy, but even then with all the stores, bars and restaurants, the natural beauty everywhere was simply incredible. We had a relaxed first day, enjoyed watching the sunset, and were lucky enough to wade out a few hundred meters out into the ocean as the tide was incredibly low.

The amount of wildlife skittering and scurrying on the beach was a real treat to watch. There were tons of crabs, snails and other sea life I have no idea about, running around the sand, digging holes and hiding away before the tide came back in. Quite a few of the crabs were quite large and surprised us a few times.

The highlight of course was once the sun started to set and the breathtaking view of the sunset behind the islands and hills off in the distance.

Phu Chi Fa kind of Christmas / March 16, 2020 by Peter Panacci

For our first holiday and Christmas together we wanted (well, I wanted and she agree’d :D ) to go north in Thailand to enjoy the cooler ‘winter’ weather. Patcha had seen some beautiful camping sites amidst the mountains and we decided that would be a perfect way to start out trip.

We arrived in Chiang Rai without a real plan to get up the mountain. We thought about renting bikes, but it was already getting dark and a 2 hour drive up the winding mountain paths didn’t seem like the best idea. We settled on just taking a grab car, which can be a mixed experience here in Thailand. We’ve dealt with a lot of strange drivers some who just started driving recently, some who are quite old and who seem a little lost on the roads, and some who are simply rude or reckless. They almost always accept without checking where you want to go, and often don’t know how to get there, even though they have gps. In this case it was a nice young lady who had just started driving for grab the day before. She picked us up, and then upon realizing where we wanted to go, immediately seemed unsure and quite hesitant. But she had another idea, so she asked if she could call her father and ask if he’d be willing to drive, was that okay with us? Sure, why not. So we made a quick detour, picked up her father, and headed up the mountain pass.

It turned into a fun “family trip” up the mountain and her father was a good driver, much to our relief. As we drove up the winding mountain roads, we could see the lights strung up indicating the different camp sites along the way. I was so grateful for the car, trying to ride a bike up that far late at night would have been a nightmare. We arrived safe and sound, settled in for a small dinner as we overlooked the valley shrouded in darkness before us, and got to bed at a half decent time.

Phu Chi Fa Sunrise

We actually woke up with a start and in quite a panic, just after 5:15 am, cursing ourselves for having missed the ride up at 5 am to the mountain top. Luckily though, there were still rides going up, and we got to experience the full Phu Chi Fa sunrise in all its glory.

The walk up wasn’t very difficult, but it was chilly, actually, quite cold, with a lot of wind. Quite a few people didn’t bring a blanket or jacket and you could see them suffering as they shivered their way up the mountain. We huddled together for warmth and found a wonderful spot to sit and await the sunrise. Perhaps what was most surprising is that it was not simply one moment of unveiling as the sun pierced the clouds. There was that initial glow and a slow rise, but then the sky lightened quite a bit and it seemed to be over. That was getting closer to 7 by that point and we thought the show was over. But that’s when we noticed the glowing ball of red actually rising from beneath the final layers of clouds. It was incredible to watch the actual sun come up, even with all the daylight already spilling across the horizon. We were extremely fortunate since we heard from friends who visited just days later that they barely saw any of the sunrise through the thick cloudy overcast skies and bits of rain.

Once we made our way back to our tent, the valley below us was fully visible and was in its own right quite a sight. The air felt incredibly crisp and clear, quite a change from Bangkok and exactly what we had been hoping for. It was quite an adventure getting up the mountain, and actually heading back to Chiang Rai also had its twists and turns, but definitely worth the trip and spending the night there. Somehow the North of Thailand always calls me towards it and I constantly fall in love with the slower, quieter, more serene way of living up here.

Slow down. / February 3, 2020 by Peter Panacci

Fast and slow, life has a way of following a strange ebb and flow that moves without our knowing. When things slow down, life can almost become unbearable. You feel stuck, your skin itchy, looking for a way out. When life speeds up, you lose sight of everything, you’re swept along at a frantic pace, and before you know it, you’ve blown through all your energy and reserves and crash. I think I’m close to a crash. Life has moved quite quickly recently and all the light posts are a blur. I can see the horizon far off in the distance, but my surroundings have lost their form, a mix of colours and experiences that meld into one, nothing in focus or really standing out.

Somehow when life becomes this way, you catch yourself filling the moments with empty motions, idle things to fill up all the spaces until you feel pressed wall to wall. Your head full of a million things which all seen so important that you dare not stop. A mountain of emptiness that we allow to weigh us down. If you stop, even for a few seconds, you'd realize there's nothing there. A thousand promises and obligations that would just as easily blow through your open hands. But we don't allow ourselves that silence. We don't allow ourselves that vulnerability.

I'm becoming more and more aware that this collision course is a self fulfilling prophecy. A date that we'd all rather avoid and yet spend our every waking moment working towards. What lies at the end of this road? What is the natural progression? Some cataclysmic accident or implosion that allows us to break apart spectacularly for all to see? Or a slow, silent, unseen wasting away that robs us of pity and condolences. Only a few laboured sighs to mark our passing.

I'm oddly reminded of the Dylan Thomas poem and that ever so powerful message to his father. And yet I cannot muster the strength to rage against that dying light. Perhaps I'm not worthy of such a noble end. Slow down. Life is already rushing towards its end.

Another Side of Bangkok / December 16, 2019 by Peter Panacci

This weekend we took a wonderful break from the hustle of Bangkok and it's incessant concrete and small shops. The pollution, traffic and smog all felt like a distant memory as we navigated the small winding roads into the heart of a small suburban area to visit Patcha’s cousins and their delightful newborn son.

I didn’t realize this was all marsh until I almost walked into it!

Every once in a while you’d hear strange movements or slithering hidden beneath the leaves

It’s hard to believe this was just a 15 minute cab ride from one of the major subway interchanges and still surrounded by the sprawling mass of Bangkok’s metropolitan population. What I thought was simply lush vegetation turned out to be swamp land which crept up on me, taking me completely by surprise. House were built right on the edge of these marshes and dangers like snakes and other animals were very real and very present dangers. Luckily we didn’t see any, but apparently they frequently rest and hide near the front gate, so when it turned dark, we relied on flashlights to make sure the way was clear as many of the snakes here are quite poisonous and an ambulance would take a considerable amount of time to find us amidst the winding roads.

Peering through the gate, I couldn’t see anything beyond the overgrowth, no sign of the house beyond.

We passed some older houses and buildings, a lot of stray dogs and cars parked along the street before arriving at a small forlorn looking gate sitting directly beside the open marsh. Upon entering, even the other houses and buildings disappeared and it really felt like we had escaped Bangkok for good.

The house had a beautiful Buddhist shrine in their courtyard, a typical sight all around Thailand as families and business’ pay homage and tribute to the Buddhist spirits. I’m always immensely interested by this as my knowledge of Buddhism all stems from philosophical Buddhism which is quite different and unique from the religious practices around South East Asia.

Time definitely slowed down here and it was so nice to spend a quiet evening, playing with Patcha’s nephew, listening to hours and hours of Baby Shark in all it’s iterations and remixes, and enjoying some wonderful food as well.

Perhaps the craziest part of this area was the behemoth monster house that was built right on the same corner as the house with the blue gate. I couldn’t believe how huge it was, with the swamps and marsh all around surrounding it. I’m sure it must be nice to be able to afford such a luxurious house, but I couldn’t shake how out of place it was and how hard it was trying to show off.

It was such a welcome break from everything new and exciting in Bangkok, where shopping malls, luxury stores and material wealth accost you at every corner. Juxtaposed with the poverty, wealth disparity and real need, Bangkok often wears you down without you even knowing. I didn’t even realize how much I was craving green spaces and relaxation until I arrived here and I was sad to leave it so soon. While I enjoy my life right now in Bangkok, it is devoid of peace and quiet and has very little access to mother nature. I definitely need to spend more time outdoors and away from pavement, even if it means watching carefully for poisonous deadly snakes.

Bangkok: City of Ghosts / December 15, 2019 by Peter Panacci

Thailand is by far one of the most haunted and superstitious countries I’ve ever lived in. Both Korea and Japan have strong beliefs in spirits, ghosts and the afterlife, however I’ve never felt such a strong belief permeating through the general population as in Thailand. Almost everywhere you go, if you ask (and if people are brave enough to share), you’ll hear stories of first hand encounters with ghosts or at the very least, tales of close friends or family members who have run into spirits.

These stories are usually tied to older buildings, areas of the city known for murder or sickness, and the unfulfilled wishes or grudges of the dead haunting those foolish enough to walk alone through Bangkok’s empty back alleys. I’ll admit I don’t know the intricacies of Thai beliefs and superstitions, but simple things like whistling while walking at night carry huge taboo’s and are nothing to be laughed at. People I have talked to have seen figures lingering after them when they get into cabs, ghosts walking in hallways and corridors of condos, and these sightings are often shared and corroborated by others with them.

If you have a chance to walk around the more obscure back alleys in Thailand, and feel like testing whether or not the local superstitions hold any weight, please be my guest. However the times I have walked alone at night and heard a strange sound from within the shadows, I haven’t felt quite so brave to venture further. There is an eerie quality unique to this country that goes further than the stray cats, howling dogs and dark humid nights. There is a heaviness to the shadows which fights back against the light and a distinct notion deep within your stomach that warns you not to push your luck.

Just as I wandered around Wat Mangkon after dark, here are some images of a now abandoned hospital, right in the heart of downtown Bangkok. Even in the full light of day, the shadows seem to hide some darker truths that are best left untouched. Part of me wants to sneak back in at night and wander room to room, and part of me wants to divorce myself of that idea lest it invite even worse visitors into my dreams. Right now I’m just grateful I don’t speak Thai so I can’t listen to the dozens of podcasts and radio programs dedicated to real life ghost encounters and haunting’s right here in Bangkok.

Right next to the new buildings at Sathorn

Thai food doesn't look like "Thai Food" / December 15, 2019 by Peter Panacci

A pleasant and unforeseen surprise is that food in Thailand rarely ever looks like the ‘Thai food’ seen in western restaurants. I’ve seen pad thai served only a handful of times (mostly at the school lunch cafeteria) and locals indulge in much more interesting and healthier dishes. Below you’ll see some of the usual food we eat from local vendors and stalls, the best places to get breakfast, lunch and dinner, all usually for a few dollars.

Soups with clear broths are extremely popular and usually feature a wide selection of organ meats. This one had intestines, congealed blood, liver and kidney :)

Congee with a wonderful mount of ginger and an egg hidden beneath the surface.

Dumplings filled with delicious green onions and pan fried to perfection

One of the staple dishes across Thailand and always amazing, pork with holy basil

Ordering food for take out or delivery makes a lot of sense in Thailand. Groceries can be surprisingly expensive and I can often order a full meal for less than the cost of 4 tomatoes. Below are a collection of meals eaten in and out, all for around 3 or 4 dollars each with a few exceptions (the large fish were around 8 or 9 dollars I think).

One super popular and delicious meal is the spicy salads Thai people love, Som Tam!. By salad I mean a super spicy sauce with some sliced papaya or vegetables sprinkled lightly over it. Then add either raw crab, raw mussels or raw clams, and sometimes some raw prawns or shrimp. Raw onions and bitter melon are also usually mixed in. It’s delicious. It also causes me immense physical pain every time I eat it and even local Thai’s end up sweating and crying, while exclaiming how much they love the spiciness.

One sad thing is the way food is transported and delivered. Small plastic bags and styrofoam are EVERYWHERE! Even incredibly hot sous are ladled into bags and tied off, and delivered by motorbike right to your condo. Sauces, spices and rice also come wrapped in plastic bags. It’s all incredibly convenient but I know its incredibly wasteful and bad for the environment. But considering the price of the food and the developing nature of a lot of Thailand, I can’t really expect locals working so hard to survive to eat the cost of greener packaging.